The Awakening Gaze
--
For Ricky; and for James and Bob and Emerson and all the others who are still
hidden from view
She stood in the door
the
light in the room
no longer just from the sun coming in
the window
had been quieted and browned by the
yellow
fluids dripping from bags the blue and red and white
blinking lights
the drawn curtain
the flat grey metal
cabinets tables and poles
She watched the lights speak to no one
when the
nurse
and the other lady found her
they would be mad
she knew this
Squeezing the
brown and white and
red and black stuffed dog she
came to the man and said
hello
it was the only voice the only sound able to cut through
the whistling and hissing and clicking
clacking of the sentinels
waiting for him to give over finally
hello
just this once someone sees me and not the red
and purple and green camouflage my
skin has become
she
is not afraid
to see me
and so
in her gaze I am able to remember
I was boy-long-before-remnant I had a name a laugh
and secrets
Now, he
remembers,
I am disappearing
Into nothing but a flask for
fluids that distract
the nervous staff
More of this and
More of more of the same will comfort
us
he will be still
and we will lessen our scratching
guilt
hello
Do you know a story please?
Yes
If you will sing me
your favorite song
I will tell
you
a story
And when the nurse found
them
she was singing “go to sleep baby mine”
and
the flickering machines stopped
to hold
his silence
-- Luke
AIDS
Memorial, Carbondale Illinois
28
April 2013
Shared
on the occasion of the 20th Annual AIDS Walk in Carbondale
